Comment: Most interesting, jrd.

(See in situ)

In reply to comment: How do you know though? (see in situ)

Michael Nystrom's picture

Most interesting, jrd.

I think the difference has to do with fear, motivation, and who takes the blame.

Decisions are usually made from a place of fear, and are based on some kind of external evidence. "This isn't really what I want, but I probably can't get what I want, so I'll take this because it is probably the best I can do..."

A choice is something that is pulls you forward, and is motivated from within: "This is what I'm going to do, no matter what, come hell or high water."

With decisions if something bad happens, it is never your fault. With a choice, you know and understand exactly where the buck stops (with yourself), and why.

Anyway, that's what I'd say, but of course in the real world it is all so much more complicated. I didn’t know it at the time though.

That makes things more complicated! Could you have known it at the time? Were you hiding something from yourself? There is no point in crying over spilt milk, or beating yourself up over anything, but I think that is a question that is worthy of asking, only so you get to know and understand yourself better, which is what the whole wonderful, beautiful, loving journey of life is all about.

I think it is important to make the distinction between decisions and choices, so you know when you’re making one, and not the other. I’ve been in the machete thrashing place you describe, determined to do what I was going to do. I made a series of bad decisions. But in the end, I wound up in a good place, a place I never would have gotten to in any other way.

It was all part of the journey. Just know that everything is unfolding as it should. You’re young and you have a flair for drama. That fulfills something in you that needs to be fulfilled, for now. You’re noticing that, and that is good. When you get your fill, the ‘midnight door note’ phase of your life will be over. It will be a season that you will look back on fondly, with a measure of nostalgia and compassion for that lovely young impulsive woman.

Above all, just love yourself and pay attention to yourself as you make decisions going forward. You’ve got something of a roadmap now. You’re learning who you are and how you operate. That is what makes the 20’s difficult, in some ways. You have to build your map.

Here's a poem that comes from a book, but first time I read it was in an email that Samantha sent me, maybe 9 years ago now, before we were married, when we just started dating.

“I walk down the street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I fall in.
I am lost... I am helpless.
It isn't my fault.
It takes forever to find a way out.

I walk down the same street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I pretend I don't see it.
I fall in again.
I can't believe I am in the same place.
But, it isn't my fault.
It still takes me a long time to get out.

I walk down the same street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I see it is there.
I still fall in. It's a habit.
My eyes are open.
I know where I am.
It is my fault. I get out immediately.

I walk down the same street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I walk around it.

I walk down another street.”

Here’s to 2014!

p.s. not to mention a lot of this turmoil is probably part of your Saturn Return!

To be mean is never excusable, but there is some merit in knowing that one is; the most irreparable of vices is to do evil out of stupidity. - C.B.