When individuals and small groups get mad at each other and engage in armed conflict, the average number of people that die is very small relative to the average number of deaths from State endorsed violence.
You won't make people free by killing them and/or people they know.
When war veterans speak, they speak from the perspective of having lost people they were close to and of having to live in an unfamiliar country where the people are sometimes shooting at them and/or dialing mortar fire into their positions.
However, if we pause for a moment and consider it, we realize that the people fighting for the other side tell similar stories - only placing themselves on the moral high ground. They might say, "We successfully defended our country against alien powers that were far superior to our own..." - with their children sitting around them listening attentively.
The kicker is that - "killing more of them than they kill of you" - doesn't work. History has proven it consistently. Most wars are lost before they begin - regardless of how efficiently and effectively the soldiers carry out orders.
The world is a battlefield of ideas - hence the saying, "Winning the hearts and minds." The lesson to be learned is that - wars cannot be won if the population(s) affected does not agree with the premises of the invader and/or resent their occupation.
Violence is a tool of those that quit using their creative abilities in order to follow unquestioningly in their dead ancestors footsteps. The human mind is a powerful thing. People should use it more.
The People of the world don't really hate each other. If they ever met and had real conversations - without being freaked out by cultural differences - most of them would get along. The same is not true of States. States get in a superficial tiff and say, "I'm gonna send some of my people to come kill some of your people" - with very little consideration for the lives of the people involved.
You may or may not be a parent, but if you had kids, would you allow them to act like the State - pummeling other kids for lunch money and squeezing out the competition in the black market at their school?
When militarized States get pissed off, people die.
The only way to win conflicts is to spread your ideas more effectively than the other guy.
That's how we're winning.
It's certainly not because we've been cheerleaders for the State and/or in-style politicians.