Comment: Separation of Church and Mutt

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Separation of Church and Mutt

Once upon a time in the village of Poohville there came a new resident to the town. His name was Norton and he pulled into town carrying his large trunk that was as big as an elephant.

Now on the first night of Norton's stay in his new home, as he was trying to get some sleep, his ears perked up for he thought he had heard the faint noise of barking coming from somewhere outside his window. Curious as to where this noise was coming from, he got out of bed and strolled over to the window. On putting his big floppy ears to the glass, he heard the noise ever more clearly.

So not being able fall asleep, Norton decided to get up and go outside to investigate this strange noise. Now being that it was night, Norton grabbed his flashlight and went out into the flower patch that surrounded his house. There he sat down in his lawn chair awaiting patiently for the noise to continue.

And sure enough, he heard a "woof woof" in the distance. Then this was proceeded by different "woofs" coming from some place even closer. Then another "woof" came, and it was even louder. The noise kept getting louder and louder, until it seemed like the whole land was covered by the continual noise of "woofs."

So Norton decided to take action, He picked up his iphone and made a call, and then he began to speak:

“Is this the Poohville police department?”

“Yes sir,” replied the police officer.

“I want to report my neighbors for disturbing the peace.” Said Norton.

“On what grounds,” replied the officer.

“They are all making this loud barking noise and I can't sleep.” responded Norton.

“Oh that's just their pets,” replied the officer. "They all have them here. They are furry little creatures whom they call their pooh-poohs. You'll get used to their noise,” laughed the officer.

“No I wont,” replied Norton, “I have these huge ears that pick up everything.”

“Sorry Sir,” replied the officer. “But the village is named after these creatures, and we have laws in our town against anyone speaking evil of the pooh-poohs.”

“Do you mean to tell me these creatures have more rights then we residents do? I am a taxpayer!” cried out Norton.

“Sorry Sir,” replied the officer. “There is nothing I can do about the pooh.”

Now the next morning, after hearing of Norton’s Hubalooh over the pooh and his police complaints, the other residents of Poohville began to make snoddy little comments behind Norton's back.

“Watch out for him, he's one of those intolerant PoohPhobic people,” said Sandy Pooh.

“Yeah what's the deal with this new guy, he's nothing but one of those Pooh-Pooh Phobe's,” replied Randy Pooh.

“He must be one of those religious guys, they all have Pooh-Pooh Phobia,” said Dandy Pooh.

Norton just shrugged these comments off. But he became very curious about his new neighbors. So he decided to study the habits of the Poohville’s residents, whom he now called a bunch of Pooh-Pooh Lovers. So Norton got out his big magnifying glass, which he had used previously for his coin collection, and began to play Shirlock Holmes, keeping an eye on his neighbors every move.

The first thing he noticed was that every morning, whether it be rain or shine, hot or cold, Sandy Pooh would be dragged all around town by her pooh-pooh. Typically stopping at a red fire hydrant to rest along their journey. He also noticed Sandy Pooh carrying a plastic bag, that although he didn’t know what it was for, it spelled very horrid to Norton. Norton just could not understand how anyone would want to carry such a thing, or how anyone would have their lives dictated each morning by their pooh-pooh's.

Next, Norton began to investigate Randy Pooh. Now Randy also followed Sandy Pooh's routine each morning, and then would head off to work. After putting in a hard day’s work at the shop, Randy Pooh would then stop by the supermarket and buy all sorts of food and treats for his little pooh-pooh’s. But what was strange was that this left Randy Pooh with very little money to buy food for himself and his family. Yet day after day off he went to work, not realizing he was working mostly for his pooh-pooh’s.

Now Norton then went on to see what Dandy Pooh was up to. Now Dandy was quite a Dandy indeed. He followed the same routine as Sandy Pooh every morning, except to Norton's relief Dandy didn't carry that plastic bag with him, But for some reason this made his neighbors extremely upset with Dandy.

He also noticed that all the mailmen in this town all rode bicycles This was because none of the residents would keep their pooh-poohs on a lease, and all the mailmen feared for their lives in Poohville.

Finally, after watching them day after day and night after night, Norton concluded that the residents of Poohville cared more for their Poohpooh's then they did for one another.

Now the next day, being that it was Sunday, Norton decided to attend a church service. And as he walked into the church he was surprised to find Sandy, Randy, and Dandy, all sitting in a pew staring back at him.

"There's that Pooh-Pooh phobe," whispered Sandy to the others.

Now what Norton hadn't realized was that he had stumbled into a Muttheran church, founded by Martin Mutter way back during medieval times. His Dogma included Solo Petto, the dogma that man is saved by his pet loving alone.

That was the last straw for Norton, He cried out.

"Hey people, God created man in his own image. He didn't create pooh-pooh's in His own image!"

The crowd gasped!

Norton continued "Didn't you read in your Bibles, in Genesis 9:3, where God said: "Every moving thing that lives shall be food for you. Just as I gave you the green plants, I now give you everything." Why are you worshiping your poohpoohs? They are animals that can be eaten!”

"Blasphemy!" cried out Dandy Pooh.

"He speaks against our Muttheran traditions!" yelled Randy Pooh.

"Pooh-Pooh Phobe!" cried out Sandy Pooh.

So the pastor called the Poohville police department who promptly came and arrested poor old Norton.

There Norton sat in jail behind bars, in the place they called the dog house, because the residents of Poohville, although they professed to be wise, they became fools, and they changed the glory of the incorruptible God into the image made like corruptible man - and birds and four footed pooh-poohs. Romans 1:22-23

This Fairy tale is from the book "Christian Fair Etales" by John Argubright available at Amazon