Give yourself time to grieve, many of us are too hard on ourselves, and push too hard. My next piece of advice may seem strange, but you might identify with the Disney movie UP or if you don't watch children's movies, Shadowlands. I pray for peace for you, and for your friend's family.
"Hence, naturally enough, my symbol for Hell is something like the bureaucracy of a police state or the office of a thoroughly nasty business concern." ~~C.S. Lewis
Love won! Deliverance from Tyranny is on the way! Col. 2:13-15