HOW TO INSTALL A HOME SECURITY
SYSTEM IN THE SOUTH
1. Go to a second-hand store and buy a pair
of men's used size 14-16 work boots.
2. Place them on your front porch, along with a copy of
Guns & Ammo magazine and your NRA magazines.
3. Put a few giant-sized dog dishes next to the
boots and magazine.
4. Leave a note on your door that reads:
"Hey Bubba, Big Jim, Duke, and Slim,
I went for more ammunition. Back in about an hour.
Don't mess with the pit bulls -- they attacked
the mailman this morning and messed him up
real bad. I don't think Killer took part in it, but it was
hard to tell from all the blood. Anyways,
I locked all four of 'em in the house.
Better wait in your truck till I get back."
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