McCainites Disrupt and Shut Down the Nevada GOP Convention : News Report From Bizarro World

When I was a kid in the 1960’s, DC Comics introduced a weird world in a parallel universe called “Htrae” (that’s “Earth” spelled backwards) where everything and everyone was a mirror image of our world. As I recall, in this world, the good guys and villains had reversed roles and everyone behaved exactly opposite of their earthly counterparts.

In reading the reports about the Nevada state GOP convention, I started thinking about what they would sound if the REPORTERS came from Bizzaro world, where the news media treats John McCain and his campaign like they treat Ron Paul here in our universe. This “fictitious” news release was the result:

“MCCAINITES DISRUPT AND SHUT DOWN THE NEVADA GOP CONVENTION

RENO, Nev. (AP) — In a surprise twist, Bob Beers, the chairman of the Nevada Republican Party state convention unexpectedly forced an indefinite recess before the convention could select delegates to the GOP national convention. Beers, who is a state Senator and suspected supporter of maverick GOP presidential candidate John McCain, had attempted to have the convention ratify a slate of 31 national delegates that were all known or suspected ‘McCainites’. This was in spite of the fact that John McCain had finished a disappointing 3rd place in the caucus straw poll with only 12.7% of the votes on January 19th, far behind the winner Mitt Romney who captured 51%. The state nominating committee, which created the unpopular delegate slate, is largely composed of members of the old guard GOP political establishment, which is widely known to favor John McCain over his rival for the presidential nomination, Ron Paul.

Senator McCain, who has lately been plagued by allegations of breaking federal campaign finance laws, an improper relationship with a female lobbyist, and whose campaign has received tepid support from the rank and file Republicans, elected not to attend the Nevada convention. Instead he recruited Mitt Romney, the former governor and vice-presidential hopeful from Massachusetts who is very popular in Nevada, to represent him at the convention and try to drum up some enthusiasm for the presumptive GOP presidential nominee. His speech was generally well-received. The convention then heard from Dr. Ron Paul, an obstetrician, presidential candidate, and self-styled “defender of the constitution”. The convention cheered loudly during the speech by the 10 term congressman from Texas as he repeated his call for the end of the costly and unpopular war in Iraq, the end of the IRS, and a return to a smaller federal government in keeping with constitutional principles.

It was after this speech that the state delegates, many of whom were already Ron Paul supporters, voted to select the national delegates individually rather than rubber-stamping the handpicked slate of John McCain supporters. Faced with the threat that the delegates would be selected democratically, Chairman Beers sent word to the convention floor asking all of the McCainite delegates to stage a walkout. Even though the majority of delegates remained, this maneuver managed to drop the total number of delegates below that needed for a quorum. Delegates booed loudly as Beers announced the successful coup and forced the convention into recess.
“I’ve seen factions walk out. I’ve never seen a party walk out.” said Jeff Greenspan, regional coordinator for the Paul campaign.
The convention secretary pleaded that there weren’t enough ballots (post-it sized slips of blank paper) available to elect the delegates individually and the delays had made finishing the convention’s business impossible.

“We were surprised that the convention actually wanted to select the delegates to the national convention by voting. After all, the convention’s nominations committee usually takes care of that and the convention just approves the slate as a formality,” said a source close to the state central committee. The state GOP Chairwoman, Sue Lowden, confirmed that this was completely unexpected and justified the abrupt adjournment of the convention on the grounds of a rental agreement that would not allow the convention to extend past 6:00 PM. “We needed to get into the convention hall to clean up before tomorrow morning,” explained a representative from the hosting Peppermill Hotel Casino. “We’re preparing for a convention of Osteopathic neurosurgeons that will be learning the latest in massage therapy techniques.”

The Nevada GOP convention will be rescheduled for a later date, presumably at a time when the McCainites (or ‘McCaintards’ as they are sometimes referred to) will be better prepared."