Comrades, We Must Guard Against Disinformation

Thought I'd try my hand at a little satire. Would love it if you guys/gals added to it, edited it, had fun with it. Then we'll send it out to everyone we know. Maybe it will lighten the mood with some of the hard core Republocrats you talk to:

My fellow Comrades,

Greetings from the Apparatchik of the Democrat Republican Communist Party. Our plan to remake American society in the image of Leninist Marxist Communism is nearly complete. Let us look at all the ways that America has become the USSR West. Let us also carefully examine the lies and propaganda that is being distributed by the evil free marketeers and libertarians. We must counter all of their arguments and secure a peaceful, more tolerant, tomorrow.

The Republican Communist Party has secured the nomination of Comrade John McCain. He deftly used the sideshow of "earmark" corruption to show conservatives that he was serious about fiscal responsibility. The lying free marketeers point out that eliminating earmarks would not make a single penny's worth of difference in the spending level of the federal budget, since that level is decided before earmarks are appropriated. They also point out that eliminating earmarks would just transfer power away from Congressmen and pass it to federal bureaucrats who would be given even more control of your hard earned money. These are lies, even though are true. We need more central planning, not less. Washington politicians do not have enough control over your hard earned money, and Comrade McCain is fully aware of this.

Comrade McCain also supports the NAFTA, the North American Free Trade Agreement. This is important. We need free trade. We also need a 20,000 page document that manages that free trade. Comrades, remember that we also need thousands of bureacrats whose salaries come from your labor to decide what you can freely trade, and how. The lying free marketeers will ask you why? Don't be fooled. Only the government can tell you how to voluntarily exchange your goods and services with another person outside the country. The government must protect you from the dangers of such a voluntary exchange between two people. That's the only reason NAFTA exists. That is the truth, except that it's a lie. It is not managed trade. It is not central planning, even though it is.

Comrade McCain also supports the WTO (World Trade Organization). It is important to have an organization that has authority to spend American taxpayer money for the good of European and Asian countries. The Republican Communists are happy to allow a body that was not elected by the people nor is authorized in the Constitution, centrally plan the trading habits of American businesses. This organization is completely legitimate and in the best interests of Americans, even though it clearly is not.

The Communist Party supports Comrade McCain because he believes in spreading the message of Communism to other countries by force. The Republican Communists have saddled the poor Iraqi people with a bureaucratic appartchik that would make Lenin smile from ear-to-ear. No element of Iraqi society is planned without input from the Iraqi Communist Central Planning Party. We are certain that prosperity will quickly arrive to Iraq. After all, government bureaucrats know best how to properly invest capital. Don't listen to those free market freaks who tell you that a bureaucrat never knows how to manage capital. Show him all of our successes in rebuilding Africa! Africa is now a prosperous beacon of intellectualism thanks to the stimulus provided by the United Nations elite! Soon, Iraq will be just like the Congo thanks to our central planning machine. Comrade McCain understands that such a democratic transformation takes time. That is why he is willing to commit your children and grandchildren to paying for it. They should be honored to work several weeks of the year in forced labor to pay for the subjugation of Iraq to the Communist cause. Lenin smiles on your children.

Although the comrades of the USSR West in the Democrat Communist Party continue to be sidetracked by the ridiculously small differences between Comrade Clinton and Comrade Obama, we are pleased that either will make a suitable Premier. In fact, we look forward to the trivial matters that the eventual winner will have with Comrade McCain. We can be sure that no serious issues will be presented to our American proletariat for discussion. This guarantees the success of the American Communist Revolution for another four years.

Both Comrades Clinton and Obama support universal health care. American health care, once the beacon of the world, is in shambles. The Communist Party would like you to ignore those free market liars that point out that government involvement in health care caused this mess. Central planning works! Why don't these fools get it? Never mind the fact that Congress mandated HMO's in the 1970's, essentially forcing medical corporatism on the people. That was a good decision, even if it wasn't. And please don't point out to the people that the worst health care in America is Medicare and Medicaid, the two centrally planned government health care programas intended to benefit the poor. If everyone was on govenment mandated health care, it would work great. That is true, even if it is completely false. The American people just need to be convinced that it is true. So don't show them how government care is handed out to our veterans. The VA hospitals must be hidden from the public eye. After all, if we can't care for those we honor, how can we be expected to care for the average joe? Of course, we won't. We just want more power. That is false, except that it is true. Medical freedom is nonsense. No one should have the choice of how they are treated and by whom. That is free market propaganda and very unfree. Only a government bureaucrat can tell you how you should be treated.

All three of these great Comrades Clinton, Obama, and McCain understand that centrally planned education is the path to an affluent and intellectual society. The free marketeer liars point out that New York City has over 6,000 central planners running their schools as if that is somehow a bad thing. With all these people on the scene, making sure your kids learn exactly only those things we want them to, we are quite certain that they are smarter than any generation in America's history. Some have pointed out that the Catholic private schools, which make up 1/5th of NYC students, have only 26 officials managing all their students. I bet their students' achievement levels are nowhere near those of our little Communists! In Washington, D.C., our Communists understand that more money is needed to improve the childrens' test scores. That is why we are now spending nearly $15,000 per student. Don't worry Americans, that money comes from rich people, so the poor can still get a quality education for their children. It is nice to get something for nothing. Of course, those free market liars like to tell you that the "something" you are receiving is "nothing" since your kid didn't learn a damn thing. Oh, and that "nothing" you spent is "something" because if that taxpayer money had been invested in the private sector instead, it would have produced benefits for all levels of society including the poor. And since the Federal Reserve prints money out of thin air to make up for the excess largess of the Party, destroying the value of the Dollar, poor people are actually worse off by supporting centrally planned education. But that is all lies, even though it is true!

In conclusion, my Communist Comrades, we have now inflitrated every aspect of American society. Central planning is alive and well - the Department of Agriculture, Dept. of Energy, Dept. of Education, Federal Reserve, Internal Revenue Service, and on and on and on. The list is endless. I am so thankful for all your help. You have assisted us in keeping the American people in the dark for decades.

Respectfully,
Chairman of the Democrat Republican Communist Party